Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Order of Service for Wanking Wednesday

Congregation all rise, fnar fnar.

Celebrant: Dearly, dearly self-loving, we are gathered here today to celebrate the wonder of Wanking Wednesday, to reaffirm our belief in our own bodies and to live again through the resurrection of our libido.

First reading: Book of Genitals, Chapter 1, verse 11-13:
"And lo, it came to pass that on the third day, a Wednesday, the Board was quiet and the people said 'why is this QOTW so shit? Why can we not talk of interesting things?'. And their cry was heard and they did commence to show their love for themselves. And their cries were heard throughout the land."
This is the word of the loins.
Thanks be to b3ta loins.

Offertory hymn:
I love myself; I want you to love me
When I feel down; I want you above me
I search myself; I want you to find me
I forget myself; I want you to remind me

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Ooh I don't want anybody else Oh no, oh no, oh no

You're the one who makes me come runnin'
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughin'
I want to make you mine

I close my eyes and see you before me
Think I would die if you were to ignore me
A fool could see just how much I adore you
I'd get down on my knees; I'd do anything for you

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
ahh ohh i don't want anybody else
oh no oh on oh no yeah

I love myself; I want you to love me
When I feel down; I want you above me
I search myself; I want you to find me
I forget myself; I want you to remind me

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
ahh ohh i don't want anybody else
oh no oh no oh no

I want you
I don't want anybody else
and when i think about you; i touch myself
ooh ooOoh ooOoh aaaaahhhh

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
Ooh I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself

I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself

I honestly do
I touch myself
I touch myself

Wine and rock-cakes are served orally.

Congregation offer the sign of peace, first taking care to check that hands are clean.

6 comments:

Chickenlady said...

CHCB what should we call you? We know you are our leader...but how should we address you?

And can we place small ads in the parish magazine?

Kate said...

I haven't thought of a name for myself yet. Damn. Name that Messiah in one. Lady Crack will do for now.

Want to be a Vestal Not-so-much-a-Virgin?

Enzyme said...

Wine and rock-cakes to be served orally, eh?

*joins congregation8
*wonders what the "a" html tag does*
*discovers what the "a" html tag does*

Chickenlady said...

Oh, yes please!

Do I get to wear special robes as a Vestal Not-so-much-a-Virgin? Are they like the felching, I mean, fetching ones seen on Doctor Who at the weekend?

Kate said...

Welcome, St. Enzyme.
Yes, chickenlady, you may have robes. Might I suggest rubber ones? It does get quite messy.

MICHELLE said...

Pray for me, I'm going to go into the wilderness and spread the word and the word is legs.