Thursday, 17 April 2008

The Martyrdom of St. Enzyme

Saint Enzyme began to serve the poor and preach to the people about spelling and grammar. More and more people joined him. The high priests of the temple were jealous of Saint Enzyme's successes, and accused him of pedantry.

They took him in front of a judge. At the trial, Saint Enzyme kept on teaching about spelling and grammar. He told the judges that they were hard-hearted and ill-educated. When the crowd heard this, everyone became so angry that they stopped the trial, dragged Saint Enzyme outside and threw rock-cakes at him.

Saint Enzyme forgave the people who were stoning him, and asked that they not be punished for their ignorance. Then he died when a sultana lodged in his brain. Saint Enzyme was the first martyr in the Wible, the first person to die because he loved spelling and grammar so much that he wouldn't stop talking about them.

(All similarities to Interweb accounts of the life of Saint Stephen are obviously coincidental. St. Enzyme also preached against plagarism, and rightly so.)


MICHELLE said...

It was a crying shame about St Enzyme, he had lovely hair.

CHCB said...

Yes! And you can buy relics including the Holy Hair of St. Enzyme for an incredibly reasonable* price in my online shop.

(*may not be reasonable)

Doubting Althegeordie said...

I liked his kittens. I'll miss them most of all.

CHCB said...

That was no kitten, that was a very hairy palm. Such is his dedication to the cause.

Enzyme said...

*sells sultanas as holy relics*

*Moves to Bahamas*