Friday, 20 March 2009

On divinity

QOTW, in the third part of a dire question trinity (though I liked all the cock stories last week), asks you dirty sinners for your tales of G*d.

Let's get this straight: there is no god.

Let us consider the evidence. If there was a god, I'd be amply rewarded for my services to mankind. I'd be cavorting naked with the bloke of my dreams on a bed of money while cherabim and seraphim fed me grapes and played a little light lute music. Instead I have a hangover and didn't get more than some leg fondling (mid-thigh) last night. This huge amount of compelling and incontrovertible evidence means it's SCIENCE and I have thus proved that god does not exist. FACT.

Hope lies in me, your new friggin' Messiah. When I'm done saving your miserable souls I'll get cracking on global warming. Oh yes, and thou shalt not have any false gods before me. Enzyme is a Saint, not a deity, and he's going to find himself decanonised sharpish if he pretends otherwise.

Sunday, 25 January 2009

On rules and their imposition

Rules? RULES? On b3ta? For QOTW? Throw me a feckin' bone. I'm breaking my vow of silence to bring you this little rant.

God had a few of those rule things. Ten of the little fuckers. That's ten too many for me. He handily condensed it into this: love yourself and love others. Your New Friggin' Messiah has a shorter version: love yourself. Really love yourself. Love yourself right now, with both hands.

As to rules on QOTW? Calm down dear, it's only the Internet.