To paraphrase Newton, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So, for every joyous attempt at self-abuse there is someone who will destroy our libidos. My good flock, that is none other than Alan Titwank, Gardener of Doom.
Beware this man. Beware his forked tongue, for he uses it not to pleasure others. Beware his tedious television programmes and his scaly tail and his pointy and equally scaly teeth and his ability to render impotent the lusty and the lecherous.
I can protect you from this man. Accept me into your hearts and send quite a lot of money to my accountants. I will then psychically generate an invisible force-field around your genitals that will be impervious to the evil deeds of Alan Titwank.
2 comments:
I fear him, I truly do. He makes me doubt myself even more.
Stand strong in your faith, al. I won't let him harm you (if you send me money).
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